There are moments in life that are not worthy of being recorded in a photograph. They are too deep, meant only to be etched and stored in the banks of our memories. One week ago we didn’t even know Haley. Jon had no inkling he was about to have his little heart and compassion wrapped tightly around a helpless furry creature… that in three short days he would gain and lose the best friend a boy could ever have.
It was only last Saturday night Rolff placed a wrinkled sheet of newspaper in front of me, “read this….” he said. I scanned the paper to try to catch his meaning. Golden Retriever puppies. Rolff continued,“Call if you think it’s right…check them out but keep your head.” Twelve hours later we were at the home of the puppies and we left with a little angel.
There are moments in a child’s life that a parent will replay over and over in their heart…moments of great joy when you realize life doesn’t get better and moments of despair, hurt and pain, when as a parent you pray that God will indeed use everything for good and you have faith that God is making your little person better for it.
Last Sunday morning right before purchasing Haley I asked Jon if he would like our new puppy to be his. If you can picture fireworks bursting against a dark summer sky then you saw my son’s eyes and the joy behind them.
He stayed home from church to care for her and keep her safe. After spending a full day of romping and getting to know each other, boy and puppy settled in for a night’s rest in the living room. Early in the morning - must have been around 2:30 - puppy cries woke me with a start. I climbed out of bed but stopped at the end of my dark hallway. Jon walked past the lit entry way and out the front door to let Haley use the lawn. I marveled how Jon will make a great dad one day when he takes turns in the night watches over his own children.
The next night Jon woke me up. “Mom, Haley threw up, what should I do?” He cleaned her up with paper towels and put her back to rest. She got worse and in the morning we took her to the vet. After much mind wrenching and tests it was realized that she must have ingested some mushroom and her little body couldn’t handle the toxicity. That evening she died in our arms, in our living room surrounded by our prayers, our tears and our love. She slept peacefully in our living room last night – the toxins having finished their evil work and all our love, our pleadings and hope could not be the antitoxin.
Ten minutes before Haley finally lay still, no longer suffering with pain, Jon touched her head and said goodby. We wanted him to hope – keep praying, but I knew in my heart he was right. He released her and she was gone.
She is buried under a young redwood tree. She should have grown big and strong like the redwood, but she is planted there with all the memories that would have been.
It is raining today. Have you ever seen a soft November rain laying a blanket of mist over a green pasture? Then you’ve seen my son’s eyes today and the sadness behind them.
